Hellbound
by untitledmind
Summary: Fill for a prompt over at the kink meme. OP wants Liara's bachelorette party to involve Blood Pack and bullets. Simply ask and you shall receive! Liara should have had this in mind when asking Aethyta to plan her party. Had she known she'd wake up tied to a chair with her closest friends in strange positions all over the floor, she might have reconsidered. Rating subject to change.
1. Chapter 1

**Long time, no see, fanfiction! The last time I was writing, it was for Pokemon. In fact, I imagine all of my readers over in that fandom saw that there was a new story from me and proceeded to plot my death once they realized it was for a different fandom entirely... Oops... Well, I'm not too busy right now, so I will do my best to reply to all your PMs soon, get caught up on all your stories, and write something new for you guys! I'm sorry I've been gone so long. :( **

**Now, Mass Effect lovers! This is a fill for a prompt over at the Mass Effect Kink Meme. Basically, OP wanted Liara's bachelorette party to be completely crazy with bullets, inappropriate use of Krogan statues, and Blood Pack mercenaries. Well, I'm here to deliver. I expect this to be a few chapters long because I've got some pretty good ideas! Bear with me on my editing. It's 3 in the morning where I am and I can never wait to post the things I write in the middle of the night. I get too excited. :) I hope you enjoy!**

**Parings: FemShep/Liara, some Jack/Miranda awkwardness, and we'll see if anything else works itself in. **

**I'm open to requests for just about any pairing or any crazy thing you'd like to see happen!**

* * *

Liara told her father she wanted a nice, quiet evening in with close friends.

_Friends._

Not vorcha. Not varren ("C'mon, kid, it's on a leash!"). Not three full units of drunken asari commandos she'd never met.

And certainly, _certainly_ not a "special guest appearance" from Blasto himself.

"_This one received a 911 call. This one believes there is an imminent lap dance emergency..._"

Liara shuddered.

Well, her body tried to shudder, but it experienced genuine difficulty from its position. She wriggled against the ropes.

_Where's Shepard when you need her? No, no, she wouldn't help. She'd see me tied up against this chair and have her way with me._

Liara's second shudder was of pleasure.

As the betrothed asari looked around the living room of Anderson's old apartment, she took in the passed out silhouettes of each of her party guests. Ashley, who had been the first to pass out (with her faced pressed into the fridge) was dressed in what appeared to be some sort of human ritual attire (were those... _leaves_?) and her Alliance helmet. Liara's eyes traveled to the kitchen table, where Miranda had fallen asleep, snoring unceremoniously. Her usual black and white catsuit which Liara could have sworn she had originally arrived in had apparently been replaced with a very tailored tuxedo in the fashion of human men.

_I don't even want to remember what happened last night..._

Next, Liara saw Jack.

Quite frankly, Liara was surprised she had missed Jack in the first place considering she was stark naked and curled right up against Miranda's backside.

_Oh, that's going to release some unresolved tension..._

Liara forced herself to turn her gaze away from the slumbering pair, smirking mirthlessly.

"I hope I'm still here to see how _that _gets resolved."

Liara's head jerked up at the sudden, gravelly voice. She turned slightly to the left to see Matriatch Aethyta, fully dressed (thank the goddess), fully awake (why, goddess?), and staring straight at the naked Jack, who promptly nuzzled her face into Miranda's neck, hand sleepily reaching over Miranda's side and finally settling against the other woman's tightly knotted necktie (oh, goddess, you're deliciously cruel).

"Aethyta!" Liara struggled against the rope, keeping her voice low as to not disturb the late sleepers.

"Hold on, kid, I need to loosen my muscles after last night," Aethyta dismissed, swiftly eying the ropes fastening her youngest daughter and reaching her arms over her head, fingers curling for the sky. "If I hadn't been around for a thousand years, I'd say I'm surprised we even made it out alive last night." the Matriarch yawned for good measure.

"Made it out of what last night? Father, please!" Liara struggled harder against the ropes, brows furrowing with frustration. "I woke up with my entire body roped to Shepard's living room chair, I have unpleasant memories of hanar tentacles stroking parts of me that tentacles _ought not to stroke_, Miranda is dressed like a _man_, Jack is completely exposed, and Ashley-" Liara paused midsentence to take a deep breath. She glanced into the kitchen, trying to find the words to express her confusion. Several soundless words formed on her lips before she could continue.

"I knew having YOU plan my bachelorette party was just the _most _irrational idea anyone could ever possibly possess! Now will you _please _untie me before I start shooting singularities from my eyeballs?"

Before Aethyta could console her rapidly angering daughter, the front door of the apartment opened gingerly, and the matriarch could just barely make out a tuft of crimson hair before the figure slowly began to lean further into the apartment.

"Li—Liara?" Shepard's electrifying green eyes came into range behind the door (which curiously still hid the commander's entire body from the nose down). "Are you in there? Is Blasto gone? Is it safe to come in?"

"Shepard!" Liara exclaimed, instinctively trying to run to greet her lover before sighing and slumping against the back of the chair. "Shepard, over here! I just woke up tied to this chair, Jack is naked, Miranda looks more ready for our wedding than either of us ever will, and Ashley... Well, frankly, I'm not sure what to say about her, but-"

Shepard stepped all the way into the foyer.

Liara blanched.

Her lover's right shoulder was wrapped in a bloodstained bandage, her left leg supported by a single crutch, forearm suspended in a sling, several deep gashes were spread across her cheeks, and the look of absolute terror in her gaze was unmistakable.

Aethyta sighed. Being the only one who remembered everything about the night before was about to become a real pain in her ass. Explaining to Liara exactly how Shepard was injured was going to be fucking _peachy_...

* * *

**Stay tuned for more! :) I'd love if you left me a review. This is my first time writing for Mass Effect and my first time really writing in general in months. I'm probably a bit rusty!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**A short chapter, but a chapter nonetheless! I'll try to update with again with a more fulfilling chapter by Monday! We're in the territory of the exposition here, ladies and gentlemen. It might take another chapter or two for us to really get into the action of what happened. After all, everyone still needs to wake up! ;)  
**

* * *

"Shepard!"

Liara pushed against the ropes for what felt like the umpteenth time and turned away from her battered lover to glare at her father. Aethyta took the hint and hurried to untie her. She tried not to think about the fact that at some point she'd have to explain just how exactly Liara wound up tied to a freaking chair in the middle of the night.

As she unlooped the final knot, she was reminded of the pink tentacles that (with a great amount of dexterity) manipulated the rope before her. Aethyta was grateful when Liara immediately ran to her lover rather than asking about her undoubtedly queasy expression.

"I need to, uh, take a dump or something." Aethyta "excused" herself and tried to appear normal as she power walked to the nearest restroom, holding a hand over her lips.

Both Shepard's and Liara's gazes followed the older asari out of the room.

"What could have gotten into her, I wonder?" Liara, who after carefully hugging the injured Shepard had taken up a standing position next to her, wrinkled her brow. "She usually has an iron stomach."

Shepard shiftily glanced around the room.

"Well... If I remember correctly, which I may not with all the bangs to my head last night, you guys got into some pretty crazy stuff last night." Shepard hobbled over to the sofa. Liara followed dutifully. "I mean, look at this place! My living room is trashed! Cleaning this up is going to be such a clusterfuck."

"A clusterwhat?" the Shadow Broker's eyes glazed over. "I'm afraid my translator must have glitched." She shook her head. "Human expression? No, never mind that! What on earth happened to you?"

"'What on earth' is a human expression, Liara."

Liara scoffed.

"So I pick up some of your idioms more than I realize. Not the point, Shepard. Now why won't you just tell me why you look like you've just been digested by a Reaper?"

"You know, you always ask me about human expressions and learning more English, so it's important that you-"

"Jane." Liara didn't miss the fear in Shepard's eyes at the use of her first name.

"Liara?"

"Are you trying to change the subject?"

"No! No, of course not! I just, er," the Spectre scratched the back of her neck with her uninjured arm. "I, uh, wanted to point out to you that... um..." Shepard faulted under the singular brow raised upon her lover's face.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

As Liara's attention turned to the source of the profanity (Jack had woken up), Shepard exhaled.

_God forbid I have to explain to her what happened last night by myself... And I wasn't even here for the whole thing!_

While Shepard was effectively saved by the bell, there were others who were less fortunate.

* * *

For all her perfection, Miranda Lawson was undoubtedly, painfully, and embarrassingly hungover. Noticing a kink in her hip (probably from laying on her side all night), she figured that wherever she was, now was the best time to find out. She opened her eyes.

Half expecting to see some kind of jail cell, she wiped the metaphorical sweat from her brow when she realized she was in Shepard's kitchen. She could barely make out Shepard and Liara talking in the living room and she heard the gravelly voice of Matriarch Aethyta talking to someone (probably herself) in the bathroom.

Not wanting to face her headache, Miranda closed her eyes again and tried to bring her arm up to cover her face from the light of the apartment.

_Tried... I shouldn't have to..._

"Wait..." Miranda's eyes opened wide, all remnants of a hangover suddenly transparent. She took a deep breath before looking down.

_Okay, I'm dressed. I'm wearing... Well, I'm not sure. But it's alright because I'm dressed. I didn't have sex on Shepard's table. Okay. Okay, everything is going to be—_

"Oh. My. God."

There was an arm. There was a naked, tattooed arm gripping the tie of her... suit?

Miranda's eyes refused to blink. Her limbs refused to cooperate. Her entire nervous system froze. A rustling occurred against her backside. And then...

_Jack swears a lot louder when she wakes up next to you naked... Should I be insulted?_


End file.
